Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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