Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
