I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
