I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
