i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
