with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He shit in the fireplace
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
