This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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