I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
