You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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