Soap is not a condiment
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
