i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
