proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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