We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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