I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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