I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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