Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
