Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
