Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
