you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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