Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
