Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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