You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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