I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
