I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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