Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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