I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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