well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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