I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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