I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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