im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
