Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
