dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We smell like vodka and hangover
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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