maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
