Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
