my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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