I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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