oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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