I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
