the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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