You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
