You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
