YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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