thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
