i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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