yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
