Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
