TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
