What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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