I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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