remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
do nipples grow back?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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