Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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