We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
