Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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