come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
