woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
