all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
