Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
