i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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