I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
