i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
