I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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