Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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