i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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