I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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