Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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