He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
