Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
