dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
