So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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