tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
