The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
